I struggle daily with the feeling that I’m being undermined and that people around me don’t see the potential I see in myself. It seems as if this has been a struggle my entire life. It doesn’t bring anything good out in me, instead it brings out things like anger and questioning my self worth. Why does it do this to me? I honestly don’t know how to answer that question other than the fact that it’s in my mind where I’m finding out is the place the enemy likes to try to hold me down. What better way to tear a person down than to constantly have them questioning IF they are good enough. In the past several months I’ve had to put myself in a slight isolation just so I can get a handle on this issue. But what I’ve realized is I can’t fix it alone. Because being alone makes you question yourself even more, and it allows for more time to focus on the things the enemy wants me to focus on.
We recently were granted full custody over my husbands second born son, and during the whole messed up process (even longer story) only one thing kept haunting me. It was the fact that the sons mother told someone I would abuse her son. Now with that being said and not going into much detail; the mother of the son is not in the best place right now. She’s fighting her own demons who seem to be even stronger than the ones I’m dealing with. The son was in the nicest way of saying things; neglected. Emotionally and physically.
Back to the statement. Those that know my situation know we were blessed with three amazing girls after marrying my husband. After having our first child, I vowed to myself to be the best me I could be and that meant to now step aside and put their needs before my own. Growing up I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mother; not because I wouldn’t have to work… come on! It’s a NEVER ending job in itself. It was because I have always had a passion for it. (now look at me having to once again prove my worth.) The reason that hurt so badly was simply because knowing the entire truth of what the mother of the son was doing; at the time she said it, I thought to myself are you even in a position to have anything to say? Once I questioned that, the enemy took my question and RAN with it. I started questioning even more, and more, and MORE. Suddenly I allowed that one question to put me in a state of depression, and the anguish that brought about was a down hill slope.
Through it all I remembered my goal was to pray my way out. Because I couldn’t do it on my own before so what would make me even think for a moment I could do it now? I recently told a friend some of the things such as the depression this brought on and her statement was “I didn’t see you as one to get depressed anymore.” (and that reason being because I have fully devoted my life to Christ and have tried to stay Christ centered at everything I do.) The first thing that came to my mind was… “Just because I’m faith filled doesn’t make me untouchable.” It’s my mission statement everyday now. At those moments when the enemy thinks he has even the slightest hold on my mind, I simply say… “just because I’m faith filled, doesn’t make me untouchable; BUT through Christ I AM _____________ (whatever I need to be that day).

Prayer: 

Emotional struggles affect the majority of people today. I am not alone, because you said you would comfort me. I need that comfort now God. Remind me who I am. In Jesus name. – Amen