Before you read this, I want you to understand that this blog includes sensitive material. I want you to take a moment and pray with me before reading this one. God, please allow me to understand what you want me to understand out of this Blog. Please take my spiritual eyes to a new level. -Amen

Do you find yourself not being able to understand why people think racism still happens in 2016? I might have some insight for you.

Recently our family visited a prominently “black” church, I happened to be one of the only three “white” people in the church. (quotations are there because it’s a “label” of what our physical eyes see, not our spiritual eyes.) This was our first time visiting this church, we were there because we got an invite by a friend. Although we were welcomed with open arms, I felt a presence like no other surrounding me. It was as if with every move I made I had a set of eyes following. *Understand that the mass shooting in North Carolina happened months prior to this, everyone is still on guard (rightfully so).

I needed to grab my children’s book bag to get a wipe and I could feel someone near to me tensing up as though they were preparing for “it” to go down. One of my children needed a potty break, so I asked our friend where the bathroom was located. I grabbed up the little, and suddenly find myself being followed to the restroom. Now I know what you’re thinking, maybe he had to go to the bathroom? Well that would make sense if he would have actually gone to the restroom, he sat at a table a few feet away from the door waiting on me to get out. Not only did this happen but another female followed me into the restroom, not to potty, but to simply sit in the restroom.

After service was over (which by the way was awesome) it was as if those same people sent to watch “out” for me took a sigh of relief. Kind of like they figured out I was an okay person. The people in the church again welcomed us; the Pastor himself came over to meet us, and the whole experience turned out wonderful despite this.

Can you get to your point please? There was a bit of a back story that needed to be known before I could get to the good stuff.

As a “white” american, I have to tell you that in my everyday walk of life I have not felt this before. The tension of someone always watching, waiting on you to “mess” up. I’ve been told of times that my friends (of other races) would go into a store and they found people following them around, being scaled up and down by piercing eyes waiting to see the smallest thing they can find wrong. Nit picking for reasons to call security. I’ve heard these things and just to be real with you; I couldn’t believe it. I would feel sorry for them, but I would just brush it off and be like…nahh they were reading too much into the situation. I felt this way simply because I had never experienced anything like it before. Now that I have a slight feeling on this pressure, understanding that this is such a small scale compared to what many have experienced, I can honestly say it sucks!

I just want to pause right here and tell you (of any other race that might be reading this) I am sorry! I can’t feel the pain you feel daily, but I know it hurts. I also want to say that this stronghold is a two way street, and I feel as though we are going to have to come together and figure out a way to get past this. Not every person you and I meet are out to “get” us, but we will not know this about one another until we can sit and talk about things.

I wasn’t going to mention the fact that I “white” american female, am married to a “black” american male. But in order for you to understand that someone gets it, it’s sort of an important fact to mention. I’m not just here to blow smoke, I’m sincere.

Guys be mindful of even the smallest thoughts that you entertain. Your thoughts eventually become your actions.

Prayer:

God, this subject is something you want brought out. You want your children to see the dysfunction that most of us can’t see simply because we haven’t experienced it. When we hear people say “I want to see how you see” I truly believe that you would see this, and be heartbroken. We want to fix it God. We need to fix it, but we know that we can’t do that without your help. Send knowledge our way, show us how to break down barriers. Help us to be the light in this dark place. In Jesus name. -Amen