Have you ever held onto a secret? One you’ve kept to yourself so long that it began to wear you down? Possibly even change the outcome of your future relationships, because this secret was holding such a powerful emotion over you? 

I had an opportunity to ask someone something I had only heard rumors about. I usually take the road of asking the source instead of listening to rumors anyway. I wasn’t quite sure how to ask this question for years. Bringing up the question was bound to be painful, so like many others I decided that no matter the truth, I’m still going to love the person. Therefore if I’m never able to ask, it doesn’t matter. 

Well, I was in a conversation with this person about something similar to the rumor, so I decided to jump in with the question. (The conversation itself will remain classified, but I will try my best to let you understand what I mean.)

I did it, I asked the age old question, the one many have wandered and simply quessed their best answer about. The reaction to the question had me baffled. It was so sudden, and almost dramatic. The person I asked doesn’t have a reputation for lying, so I thought for certain the answer given to me was correct. The answer went against the “main” rumor, so I took a sigh of relief. 

The next day, this person calls me to say they need to talk. As I sat down face to face to listen, I can see this was going to be a difficult conversation. Not only for the person telling me, but also for me; the listener. I was right. The person began with, “when you asked me yesterday I was in shock, because no one ever had the nerve to ask me to my face before.” This question has been lingering for many years, and I am the only one to ask face to face. Said person proceeds to tell me some of the back story, and then allows the truth to be known. The truth, this time, went along with the rumor. Said person was in distress, hardly able to talk through the tears. He/she had never told another person what was being said to me. 

It was a moment of realization for me. Realizing how hard it must have been carrying this secret around for so many years. Realizing the importance of communication. Realizing that no matter how hurtful the secret is, that holding onto it, is so much more hurtful. Realizing the importance of finding someone you can trust with the information you need to let out. Realizing that even through hurtful secrets, we need to remember that even the best people make mistakes. Realizing that I’ve been chosen with a hurtting secret and it’s not something to take lightly. 

So much emotion packed into such a secret. I asked “why didnt you want to tell anyone?” The response had me in tears. “I didn’t think anyone would love me anymore.” This person held the weight of this secret for years, because of the fear of loosing love. Sadly, I think with the power held in this secret, not telling anyone caused for loss of love. 

If someome has something they trust you with, please keep that trust. Don’t be the reason for more heartaches. By that I mean, don’t go around gossiping about it. 

Prayer: 

There are so many people carrying around the weight of secrets. So many people affraid to tell another because of how they imagine the reaction will be. So many of us being bold on the outside, while hurting on the inside. Allow us to find someone to trust in, and allow us to be trustworthy. We all need someone, and someone needs us. Let people know your love through us, the unconditional love you show us daily. In Jesus name. -Amen