When I sit down to write, I often times have no agenda. I sit down, put my fingers on the keyboard, pause, take a deep breath, attempt to clear my thoughts, and eventually something comes out. I typically do a lot of deleting and sometimes I end up with a draft that I don’t post because it is just a time for me to vent and get my frustration out of my mind so that I can begin focusing on things that truly matter around me. This morning, I found myself typing paragraphs of random stuff that popped into my mind. After I was done, I sat back in my chair, took another deep breath and I was like… hummmm, that feels better. I guess what I am saying is, I needed a mental dump. Let me explain…

I am a 40-year-old, divorced, single mom, with full custody of 4 AMAZING children, who is the first in her immediate family to graduate with a bachelor’s degree and currently moving forward with a master’s degree going to school full-time, while working a full-time job, trying to also take time to exercise for physical and mental health purposes, and then add into this mix that I am doing the majority of all of this alone. As you can see, I have my hands FULL. I constantly find myself overwhelmed, overstimulated, stressed, and ready to break down in tears. However, at the SAME time, I also take every moment I can to be thankful, cherish the time I have with my kids, and sit back in pure awe at how God continues to amaze me by showing up in my life. I can look back at my younger years and see exactly why I have the tenacity to keep going now.

Okay, so back to my point, the brain dump…. Last night, while in a class I was NOT prepared for, I got so overwhelmed that I wanted to click that little red button and close my computer down for good. But somehow, I fought that urge and just stayed logged in and kept trying. The only thing that works for me in those moments is to focus on my “why”. And I know… we ALL get tired of hearing that phrase, especially when you feel like it is coming from someone in leadership that you sense a condescending tone from. Or from a friend that you hardly ever see struggling in life, it could even come from a complete stranger like me that you rolled your eyes at as SOON as you read that statement… 🛑 I definitely want to encourage you though. As we all know there are good days and there are bad days in life. Sometimes those days even turn into seasons! But I know that you know, if you have an understanding as to why you are doing what you are doing, that darn why has power. When we don’t wanna be reminded of our why, it’s usually because our why is being tested to some sort. However, I also know that if you have a why… it’s because you have a purpose. And if I may go a little deeper, as a Christian, that purpose is tied to a “calling”. Typically people that have found their purpose, are people that understand the weight of their purpose and choose to follow the purpose anyway! That’s how I know clinging to the why works. Because my why is greater than me, and so is yours. I promise you aren’t alone in feeling the weight. Anyone caring their purpose feels it. People have different personalities and different levels of how much they show to others, so some people just simply don’t let the weight be seen by others. But I can tell you, the weight is there. That weight can be found in any kind of “job” that holds your purpose, it can be found in the relationships you have or don’t have in your life, and it can definitely be found within your walk with the Lord as well. I know your why can be heavy sometimes. But the good news is that we have a Heavenly Father willing to take some of that weight and carry it with you.

Yesterday morning, I literally said the words, God… I can’t today. I have NO strength, so if you don’t help carry this with me today, I won’t be able to do it. My physical, spiritual, and mental strength was/is verrrrry weak at this point, and if you find yourself feeling the same… I encourage you to say something similar to God yourself. Because yesterday almost broke me. It did break me into tears, and a sense of helplessness, but it didn’t break me to a point of stopping and I KNOW that’s because I had God helping me carry my weight.

It’s okay to acknowledge the bad days. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel like giving up sometimes, but I encourage you to not stay in that feeling. I don’t know exactly how you climb out of your messy days, but I know that you are still here today and you have another chance to try. I want you to keep pushing, because I also know that purpose is helping someone else. Even if you are only helping one person the impact is HUGE! I feel like you know that too. I’m not asking you to ignore the weight of your purpose. I actually want you to acknowledge it. But I also don’t want the weight to slow you down so much that you stop.

I’m praying with you. I believe in you. I see you. You’re not alone. The impact you’re making and will make is bigger than you think and I pray someone TODAY will help remind you that your purpose matters to them too. Please reach out to someone, me if you can’t find anyone, if you need help on those “I wanna give up” days. And if you feel like you have given up…. Know that it’s never too late to try again ❤️