This morning, I found myself reflecting on a situation that was pretty impactful in my life. While looking back, the age-old statement “hindsight is 20/20” came to mind. Isn’t it interesting how often we reflect and think: If I had only known then, what I know now? Growth should feel this way; we should be able to learn something new and look at our situation differently with our new knowledge. I want to discuss something that can often go overlooked when it comes to growing our knowledge and understanding. How many times have you thought one of the previous statements above and then instantly thought negatively about how the situation was handled before your knowledge/understanding? More times than I’d like to admit, I’ve looked back and mentally beat myself down because I felt like I should have done something differently. Maybe I felt like I should have already known what I just learned, and the daunting feeling of needing to apologize suddenly becomes overwhelming.

Well, that’s the ugly truth about growth: it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes growth means feeling regretful; it can become burdensome, and now you have a choice to make. This choice shouldn’t feel like shame/guilt. Instead, the choice is whether to apply your new knowledge and change from that moment on, or to continue with your old knowledge. IF shame and guilt arise in your thoughts, I challenge you to smother them with grace. Remember that you didn’t know what you know now. Chances are that you probably handled your situation the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time. Chances are that even if you could go back and try again, you still wouldn’t have the knowledge you just learned, and it probably would have gone very similarly to the way it did. Therefore, cover yourself with the grace and forgive yourself. Personally, I never wake up and determine, “today, I am going to purposefully fail.”. I imagine you don’t either. Therefore, I am going to sound like a broken record… forgive yourself and choke out any shame/guilt, with grace!

Each event in our lives has the potential to leave a lasting impact on our minds. Unfortunately, that impact isn’t always positive. I try to live in a way that I intentionally find something positive in chaos. So, when it comes to similar situations in your life, ask yourself, “What is the positive side of this?”. The positive side of growth is the joy and excitement that is associated with your new knowledge. And more importantly, there is a new hope found in the ability to change. I want to leave you with the reminder to love yourself and treat yourself with the same amount of kindness you would extend to a friend in this situation.

From a counseling standpoint:

Acknowledge your feelings and temporarily process your thoughts. Be gentle with your current emotions (regret, shame, guilt, feeling overwhelmed) and remember GRACE. Ask yourself, what will you do with your new knowledge? Remind yourself of the many times you have conquered challenges in your life; you are strong, you are capable of change, and you are able to forgive yourself (if needed). Now, embrace your new way of thinking and keep moving forward! One last reminder: reach out to a friend, a family member, or a professional if you’re feeling stuck.

Embracing your newly acquired understanding can be difficult, but I believe in you! You are “…more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). If you want to know more about this verse, I encourage you to read this: Being “more than conquerors” suggests a victory that goes beyond simply overcoming obstacles. It implies a triumph that transforms the believer and even turns potential defeats into opportunities for growth and glory, according to JD Greear Ministries.